My dad smokes Pall Malls

As the week went by, posting stories about my mom...I was making a list of other things that popped into my head that I must blog about but didn't fit into mom week.  Frivolous things, funny stories, statistics, ramblings.  My usual fare. 

But before I get to any of those (and those..only if I can figure out where I placed that list) it's important for me first to get to my dad. You see, when my sister sent me her letter to mom this past Wednesday, she made my inner Finn squirm.  For as much as I ramble on and on and have posted these past 2 years...I don't feel like I've ever shared so much as what she did in her one letter.  And it kept me up that night.  For thru and thru, I'm a stereotypical don't want to talk about personal things Finn. 

But now it's out there - and that's not a bad thing, I only squirmed for 11 hours.  But to be fair, I now need to give the other side.  Callie had asked in the comments, well, where's your dad?  And I answered her privately, but that's not enough. 

Because I'm very much my father's daughter every bit as I'm my mother's daughter.

And while that whole time period ripped my very heart out, at the same time...it made me very much the person I am today, and I commend the way my parents handled it all, if separation can be commended. 

I was a teenager at the time, in my final years of high school and at that time I was all about me.  Wanting to lash out at somebody, I chose my dad and to this day I'm ashamed of myself.  I gave him the silent treatment.  If he was in the room..I walked out.  If he drove up the driveway, I drove away.  I wanted to hurt somebody like I'd been hurt, and he was my target.  Then one evening I came home at midnight curfew, and there he was, waiting up for me - and he said two words.  "Sit Down"  And I was cornered.  And I sat, and I listened and ranted and cried and raved for over two hours.  And it was the best thing he ever could have done, that lone incident taught me so much.

There are two sides of every story and each side deserves their say
I love each of my parents equally
Listen and don't prejudge
Don't intentionally hurt those you love

I'm very much my father's daughter.  We share the same practical nature, common sense approach and the raw side of my humor. 

My dad's a no nonsense dad.  He raised me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. He raised me the same as he did the boys.  He taught me to mow the lawn at 10, to fix the cars, to change my oil.  I often give him a jingle if I'm having a hard time deciphering a situation or struggling with some numbers.   He's my other rock.  He'd drop everything to be by my side if I called. 

And he's all about common sense and practicality.  His main concern when my parents split up was that we kids not feel like we had to visit him, but that we knew he was there if we needed him.  He writhed at the thought of custodial visits as he didn't want us to feel like we had to, or to have designated days when we'd rather be spending the night at Suzy's birthday party.  Common sense.  So, thru the years, he did his very best to live as close as possible to my mom and the kids.  At times it was walking distance, at times it was just a town away.  And during times of bad economy and lack of jobs...it was too far away, but he was/is always there.

Except when he stopped over for coffee about 3 1/2 months ago and realized it was my due date.  Man..he lighted out of here so fast it made my head spin.  "No time, gotta go" as I'm waddling down the driveway with with his coffee..."but dad, you didn't even drink all your coffee"   "Gotta go!" 

hmph.  And then he went to my brothers for 8 hours. Boy, did I let him have it.  Teasingly.  Because, even then, had I needed him or asked...he'd have been there, right thru the thick of it.

be good. 

Comments

[Maureen]

Thanks for sharing Sharyn.
Some of this sounds so similiar to some things I went through.

[Steph]

Oh, thanks for sharing this. You know I went through the same thing but without my dad being there for me during and after it all. That took courage on your dad's part and I know this post took courage to post. :) You rock, my friend!

[suetreiber]

wow, this sounds just like me. Another thing we have in common. Great posts...and so many!

[Terri]

HAHAHAHAHA! Okay, this gave me a much needed Monday morning guffaw. When I sent you that blog post, I already had my fighting stance in place, ready to defend myself were you to chicken out and not post it (for being too personal, of course). And then, without any noticeable hesitation, you went and put it out there. And I was *thoroughly* impressed. Hahaha. This makes me feel a little better, knowing that you did in fact squirm. Like I thought you might. :)

(And yes, for the rest of you readers, I focused on mom... for mother's day. But both of our parents are equally admirable. No doubt about it.)

[Laura K]

I didn't feel you were "shunning" your dad, just celebrating your wonderful mother for Mother's Day! Father's Day is still coming... :)

[callie smith]

Awesome Torm so glad you shared that piece of information. Just Awesome. I looked to see if mom commented a quicky to you. Nope no post from Mom she sure is a classy lady. Hi mom, hope to see your comment tomorrow. Torm your awesome I can't remember if I told you or not but I will be off the computer for probably a week or so, I am going in the hospital tomorrow for neck surgery. Looking forward to reading your blog when I am well enough to. Thanks Callie

[Jennifer J.]

I also agree with Laura's comment above and...

Sharyn this took a lot of courage to write. Thanks for sharing as I know it's so personal.